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Rayson

Rayson Ling



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© * étoile filante
inspiration/colours: mintyapple
icons: cablelines
reference: x / x
title: I need changes.
date: Sunday, October 18, 2009
time: 8:25 PM
So.. today, I haven't piece a single piece of jigsaw puzzle... And although it's Sunday, it's very crowded today, downstairs my condo.

When downstairs to swim just now, the weather is dry and cold today man, so unlike Singapore. Furo bath... The water is so hot that my legs turned red like lobster, but no chance to take photo of it.. Arghhhh... I am going crazy... because of something..

I've been dreaming about what'll happen in the STC.
Imagination one.. Sir wanted to cut my fringe because he thinks it's too long. I defied him, and we stared at each other throughout the day with the other mdms and sirs glaring at me too. When I woke up the other day, I realised that my hair has been cut. I tried to smile so i can find out who did it. A sir told me who did it, so during lunchtime, I boiled some water, splashed it on that sir's face and began cutting his hair. Wooo, I am so gonna love that.

Imagination two... Mdm asked me to take out my earstick which I did not want to. All the sirs and mdms crowd around me to persuade me to take it off. I took my backpack and took a boat back to Singapore.

And having the recent sleep habit, which I wake up at 9am, and go back to sleep from 12pm to as lateas possible. I thought of sometthing. That's becoming a nice guy, again. Realised that I've become abit short-tempered this few while. Well.. stress mah.. think so..

Okay, so I shall become Mr Nice and Friendly guy after this post. So I shall scold my fill in this post.

To the white gay with pink nipples, fuck yourself with the abnormally short penis of yours. Sucha loser, so rich so darn petty. I still remember, you always threaten girls in primary school for your recess money. And when I ask you why do that and why you don't have money, you told me because girls are easy to get money from unlike boys and I am saving money, SO I GET MONEY from the girls for recess. Wow... And, I shall expose you. You gave a convertible cow pillow to Deborah for her birthday this year. Claiming that it cost 80 Singapore BIG bucks! WHICH, I still remembered you lent it to me on 2008 during my stay-over during CNY at your house. P.S, I saliva-ed on it. Sorry!
You'll never win me in anything, loser.
Case closed~ What a childhood friend I have.

Just two! Okay no more from now on! So, being a nice guy is my resolution from now on, and the trip to Cambodia will surely enchance and let me realise things I really don't.

Oh well, I wanna go out tomorrow, anyone? Sigh..
Night people!
Going to feed Michy and Cheeria.

Updated: For more constraint and challenging resolution, I will not be able to use vulgarities from now on, like how much I hated using them last time. And, I will be a nice guy!!! And hope I stay with it till I die.. But..

life is like a game and everyone cheats just to get ahead;i try to play fair, but my fellow participants don't let me;i guess i'm a pretender now, even though i never really wanted very much;everything seems quite meaningless, but the world already taught me to lie;i ridicule and i discriminate, but i can swear i ain't that all bad;there ain't nothing much about me really, though it all seems so complicated;i'm quite torn deep down, but no one stops to care, the game's too competitive;a betrayer of my ownself, this is my story.

I got this from Smita's blog, it's so true to me.. Like what I said to Shawn, like the skin I have always been wearing..

In this world, there're preys and predators, you don't fight, you lose. you don't hunt, you get hunted. You don't cheat, you lose it all. You don't show you have power and anger, others bully and disrespect you. I grew up in this ordeal, because of the violence and cheating all around me.

It's never safe to leave home without that coat, that coat of anger, power and attitude. I can never be what I always wanted to be. If I could stop wearing that coat, it'll be the day of world peace, a world without wars, a world without fights, a world with no prisoners, a world Lady Justice can retire from.

No knows me, no one.


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